How To Be Confident

Why you can't fake it forever (and what to do instead)

You’ve probably heard the saying, “Fake it until you make it.”

If you’re dealing with impostor syndrome or are particularly socially awkward, then this could be useful short-term advice to help you get started on a new endeavour. However, faking anything for an extended period is neither sustainable nor good for your mental wellbeing. It means you are being dishonest to yourself and others, and this incongruity takes a toll.

Mimicking confident body language and speech is one way to learn these skills, but true confidence is derived from genuine competence.

When I first started writing, recording, and performing music, I didn’t have the confidence that I do now. I experienced a similar lack of confidence when I first started doing in-person merchandise sales, public speaking, and recording interviews for my own podcast and others. Everything that now makes up a significant portion of my career is something I was initially uncomfortable doing.

What was the reason for this early lack of confidence? The answer is straightforward. I hadn’t yet attained the experience and competence required to earn the confidence that I desired. With each successive performance, speech, or interview, I have grown more competent in that skill. As my ability increases, naturally, so does my confidence level.

The more I write, the more competent I become in my ability to transfer my ideas in a clear, natural, and compelling way. As a result, my confidence also grows. You get better at communicating by communicating.

Often, people don’t try to learn new skills or pursue novel interests because they don’t feel confident, but this is self-defeating. How can you feel confident enough to start if you never do? The logic is backwards.

To learn any new skill, you must be willing to venture outside of your comfort zone. This will feel uncomfortable, by definition, but going through this period of fear and frequent error is the only way to reach a level of competence that eventually translates to true confidence. It’s the price of admission.

Confidence can only be faked for so long. If you’re not genuinely competent in a domain where you’re faking confidence, you will eventually be exposed. Mimicking the body language and attitude of a pilot won’t help you to fly a plane once you’re in the cockpit.