Why you're not happy

Do you consider yourself a happy person? It's a subject worth exploring.

Happiness is an interesting subject. It comes naturally to most children, but as we grow older, we often become calloused by the world. The realities and hardships of life make us more cynical, bitter, and mistrusting. Furthermore, most people lose sight of what they have and constantly focus on what they want, or perhaps more precisely, what they think they want.

After travelling the world extensively, interacting with millions of people online and offline, and speaking with people from all walks of life - from poverty to billionaires, I've noticed some things about happiness.

If I could sum it up in one sentence, it would be this:

Happiness has little to do with how much you have, but a lot to do with how much you appreciate what you have.

When it comes to genuine, long-term joy, it's more about mindset and worldview than it is about material pleasures.

Don't get me wrong, material comfort is good. However, many people achieve this and remain 'unhappy' because they don't appreciate what they have.

All humans are prone to hedonic adaptation. This means we return to a relatively stable level of contentedness no matter what life throws at us, positive or negative.

Short-term 'happiness' correlates more with our perceived trajectory than with our actual state. This is one reason why there are so many poor people who are happy and so many rich people who are miserable.

Neither poverty nor wealth is the be-all and end-all of fulfilment. Even the richest people usually want more money. They are chasing the wrong type of wealth at that point.

Beyond lifestyle, there are people who choose to be happy and people who choose to be miserable, regardless of their circumstances. Perhaps there is a genetic component, but how you choose to view life itself has a massive impact on your baseline sense of happiness.

It is virtually impossible to make someone happy if they are choosing to be unhappy. The same is true the other way around.

Perspective and gratitude are the two most vital elements at play here.

People who are joyful long-term are consciously or subconsciously in a constant state of gratitude. They appreciate what they have - from nature, the air they breathe, and the water they drink, to their relationships, their physical body, and simply being alive. No day is taken for granted. Unless there is an immediate danger or recent tragedy, happiness is their default state.

People who are constantly unhappy tend to lack gratitude and perspective. They live in a constant state of 'woe is me', rarely taking the time to appreciate anything or anyone outside of themselves. In fact, they tend to have a very selfish worldview. Constantly focusing on themselves and their fleeting desires and emotions leads to never finding contentment. Ironically, many try to solve this by becoming even more self-indulgent.

However, just like habits, our worldviews are not fixed for our entire lives. A happy person can turn into a miserable person and a miserable person can become a happy one.

We all experience ups and downs. It's part of the human condition. By doing our best to be appreciative (even of the little things), have reasonable expectations, and live our lives in service to others, we can raise our baseline level of purpose and contentedness.

We only get one life on this earth, so why choose to waste it being malcontent? Joy is a better option, and a lot more fun.

If you're going through a valley in life right now, keep pushing through. Do what you can and keep your head up. Things will get better.

I wish you a beautiful day and a life full of joy and wonder. Much love.