Honour Your Father and Mother (The Forgotten Commandment)

If they did well, thank them. If not, forgive them and learn from their mistakes.

As a new father, I’ve been thinking a lot about children, parenthood, and families in general. It’s a subject I’ve been reflecting on for years.

For all the fiery debates about politics, culture, and the state of society, we don’t talk enough about the foundation of society itself, the family.

A major conclusion that I’ve reached over the last few years is that parenting is the most important job in the world.

Not one of the most important, as I’ve always believed, but paramount.

Why do I say this?

I say it because children do not remain children forever. They grow up to become adults, and those adults go on to impact every person they interact with, for better or worse.

Furthermore, most of those adults will go on to have their own children, who will also become adults, and thus, the cycle continues forever, until the end of our species.

So, if you are a parent, the way you raise your children does not solely impact them and your immediate family. It impacts every individual with whom those children will interact throughout their lifetimes. And since we are all interconnected through communities, towns, and countries – each individual has a greater impact on society than we normally consider.

A person who exhibits solid values, virtuous character, and righteous action is a net positive to the world. Being a productive and peaceful member of society benefits everybody around you.

On the contrary, a person of low moral fibre who engages in malicious behaviour is a drag to their community, if not an outright terror to the public. Enormous resources are spent daily to protect everyone else from such individuals – especially those who engage in violent, criminal behaviour.

It’s considering these positive and negative ‘ripple effects’ that leads me to conclude that parenting is the most important job most people will ever engage in.

We are not simply ‘products of our environment’. Nature and nurture play essential roles in the development of a human being. It is not one or the other, but both.

Parents provide a model not just to their own children, but to others in their community and prospective parents as well. When the familial unit breaks down or parents abstain from their duties and responsibilities, it increases the amount of chaos in society. The more common this becomes, the more chaos you will have within a community. This is a root cause of most of the social dysfunction we are currently dealing with.

If you are fortunate to have been raised by great parents, then you should be eternally grateful. It is a blessing that is easily taken for granted. Don’t be silent in your gratitude. Make sure your parents know how much you appreciate them. For as long as they live, you should honour and respect them. If you have children of your own, do your best to offer them the same love, attention, and guidance that your parents poured into you.

If your relationship with one or both of your parents is negative (or even non-existent), there is still a positive way to re-frame in a way that empowers you. Every adult is ultimately accountable for his or her own words, actions, successes, and failures. Blaming past familial issues for poor personal decisions garners less sympathy as you age.

In most cases, parents do the best they can with the knowledge they have at the time. There are certainly exceptions to this in cases of abuse or neglect, and I have compassion for people who have lived through such experiences. However, holding permanent resentment towards your own parents will poison your mind and soul over time. This toxicity can even spill over into the lives of others and at worst, it could metaphorically poison your own children.

I understand that this is easier said than done. On this thorny issue, I cannot speak from a place of personal experience because I am blessed to have wonderful parents. But I believe that in these circumstances, it is prudent to forgive, even if it’s for your own sake. Sometimes, negative situations provide an example of what not to do.

Many of the most kind-hearted people in the world were raised in loving, intact families, whilst many others were raised in neglectful, broken ones. If anything, this demonstrates the triumph of the human spirit and the power of individual responsibility, accountability, and self-mastery.

Your beginnings do not determine your outcomes. So, wherever you started, strive for greatness.

1,
Zuby